The happiness project

I've been reading this book, by Gretchen Rubin, over the last few days. Basically, she decided that, although she was happy with her life, she felt that she could be happier. She has a type A personality that seems to thrive on lists and a systematic approach to - well- everything. So, she set about reflecting on areas of her life that she felt she could improve, then set a goal for each month for a year. Gretchin also developed personal truths that guided her throughout her happiness project.

Like any book along these lines, many of the points that come up are ones we are aware of, at least to some degree. For me, the helpful aspect of reading books like this one lies in the way it prompts me to reflect on my life,my behaviour, my ways of thinking etc.

For a long time now, I've felt that I needed to work on some 'issues' but felt overwhelmed and didn't know how to select which ones I should focus on first, let alone how to 'work on' them when I'd made a selection. The happiness project has been giving me some ideas on how to make 'tackling my issues' feel more manageable.

While I'd like to say I'm an organised person, my level of organisation peaks at booking a hostel in advance, or buying groceries for the week ahead. Gretchin's approach to undertaking a happiness project doesn't mesh well with my personality, which is ok. While I'd been reading, I was also thinking about how I wanted to go about setting and working towards some goals. In the end, my first goal kind of just popped into my mind and the more I thought about it, the more perfect it fit for me, at this time -while traveling , but would also be applicable after my wandering is done.

My first resolution is this - Mind MY business.
For me, this means many things ~
Firstly, being more aware and in touch with MY thoughts and feelings instead of allowing my paranoid negative self- esteem get hung up on what i think everyone will think/ say.
This facet of 'mind my business' has come up in situations like yesterday.
Anne and I were at the beach. I don't even remember the last time I wore a swimsuit and didn't cover up with shorts and a tank or tee to go in the water. And a wet top that's heavy and stretched from the weight of the water is Not comfortable. When I thought of this situation in terms of 'MMB', I realized I covered up, not for my own sake ( like I said, it certainly wasn't more comfortable), but because of what I thought other people would think when they looked at my body. It wasn't easy, but I 'MMB' and did what was comfortable for me- which meant swim shorts and my bra ( my sister went to a lot of trouble to send me some swim tops, but my gigis have gone through another growth spurt and the tops are a little small).
This experience was really empowering. I had the physical benefit- I didn't have a heavy, wet tank hanging on me, and I didn't have to wait the extra time to dry. I also had the emotional benefit- I was happy because I knew I'd done what I wanted to do in spite of my negative body image and low self esteem. When I removed the thoughts that focused on everyone else, I was left with my true 'want'- to be comfortable.

When I see gorgeous girls with rockin bodies running around in their bikinis, with boobs that are still perky, I use the prompt MMB to stop me from comparing myself to them, or from getting into a negative thought spiral about my body. It helps me stop those thoughts and become more mindful of myself in that specific moment. 'Am I comfortable? Am I happily doing something I like? Will comparing myself to others make me happier?

Another facet of MMB centers around stopping myself when I start to focus on others negatively. For example- seeing someone do something in an illogical way and thinking or saying "look at this guy, what a doofus". Or when hearing or seeing an argument, big or small. Previously I would have mentally weighed in, or, if I was with someone else, sparked a conversation on who I felt was in the right or wrong. This kind of thing doesn't necessarily seem like a big deal, but it actually increases the amount of time each day that I spend focusing on something negative. In my mind, if I'm spending more time thinking about negative things, I'm more likely to feel unhappy.

Anyway, I don't know if any of that makes sense for anyone else, but it does for me, which is the whole point. Throughout this 3 month vacation, I'll keep working on minding my business. At times it will be hard, but I feel like I now have a clear tool / strategy for actively helping myself be happier, and that in itself is a source of joy for me!